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Hot, sweaty, tired, yuck. But at least the laundry is done now. This alone makes me happy. Also... only 2 more days of work before I get the weekend off. These are good things.
Still stressed out. I'm not at all looking forward to all of the tests I get to have done next Tuesday, and the more I think about them, the more I stress out. And the more I stress out about it, the more I think about it, vicious circle, you get the drift.
Things have also been made worse by having one of the first patients that I really connected with in the hospital, and terminal. In fact, he might well have passed already. He was a strong, stubborn & feisty man who gave me more headaches than he should have been able to in the short time that I knew him. He also never gave up and showed strength & love & a desire to live like I've never seen before or since. His wife is a kind, gentle, beautiful soul. She has a tremendous faith, and might truly be an angel. She actually was doing her best to comfort me when I visited them today. Seeing him on the ventilator, I was definitely hit by the contrasts... on the one hand, I was incredibly frustrated that this man, who I worked with for significant periods of time, at least twice over the past year, each time working my ass off to improve the quality of his life, is never going to get better, is never going to walk his little girl down the aisle, is never going to see his grandchildren. On the other hand, he did live another year, he was able to be at home, he was making progress... his wife said that his goal for therapy this week was to progress to pivoting to a chair.
I don't even know what I'm going to say at this point. I'm tired and teary and rambling. I think I'm just going to go to bed.
Still stressed out. I'm not at all looking forward to all of the tests I get to have done next Tuesday, and the more I think about them, the more I stress out. And the more I stress out about it, the more I think about it, vicious circle, you get the drift.
Things have also been made worse by having one of the first patients that I really connected with in the hospital, and terminal. In fact, he might well have passed already. He was a strong, stubborn & feisty man who gave me more headaches than he should have been able to in the short time that I knew him. He also never gave up and showed strength & love & a desire to live like I've never seen before or since. His wife is a kind, gentle, beautiful soul. She has a tremendous faith, and might truly be an angel. She actually was doing her best to comfort me when I visited them today. Seeing him on the ventilator, I was definitely hit by the contrasts... on the one hand, I was incredibly frustrated that this man, who I worked with for significant periods of time, at least twice over the past year, each time working my ass off to improve the quality of his life, is never going to get better, is never going to walk his little girl down the aisle, is never going to see his grandchildren. On the other hand, he did live another year, he was able to be at home, he was making progress... his wife said that his goal for therapy this week was to progress to pivoting to a chair.
I don't even know what I'm going to say at this point. I'm tired and teary and rambling. I think I'm just going to go to bed.
