Buffyspeak strikes again...

In a fit of pique (I like that word), I asked my computer what kind of "insane troll logic" it was using that it refused to connect to the internet from a cold start, but if I restarted it, it connected just fine.

Yeah... too much Buffy for one brain to hold, it spills out sometimes.

Oh yeah... those New Year's Goals?

Once upon a time, I made a list of things that I wanted to do by the end of 2005, or at some point during 2005. I decided these things should be called New Year's Goals rather than resolutions because I was trying to make them objective, measurable and time restricted.

Drum roll please....

I've achieved one of them.

1) Have $1000 in a savings account by September 2005
- Ummm... nope. The financial future is not looking bright around here.

2) Have $1000 less in credit card debt by September 2005
- Ummm... nope. The financial future is not looking bright around here.

3) Exercise at least 3 times per week, every week and keep it going through 2005
- I was doing really well with this up until June. Then I started having the difficulty sleeping, the weird test results at the doctor's office and generally feeling like crap. I pretty much stopped working out then, and while now I'm feeling better, haven't gotten back on that horse. Truth? I'm rather disgusted with myself about this one.

4) Lose at least 50 pounds by the end of 2005
- I did actually lose about 20 pounds, but, things started an upward creep in August when I went on vacation and did nothing for a week after stopping exercising in June. Right now I'm still down 8 pounds from my starting weight, but compared to 20, not so good. Yeah, rather disgusted with myself about this one too.

5) Begin volunteering to provide respite care for a family of a child with special needs at least twice a month by March 2005
- I pretty much dropped the ball here, no excuses, no explanations, just fucked up.

6) Complete Encounter weekend by June 2005
- I met this one! And I'm consistently active with my church small group. Goal met.

7) Set aside daily quiet time at least 5 times a week by March 2005
- Sporadic progress here too... ultimately though, nothing consistent, and the goal is unmet.

So... what's this mean? I'm not sure. I'm not pleased with myself at this moment. But at the same time, I've known all of this was going on, and not going in the correct direction, for the majority of the year, and let it slack anyway. Really, I haven't put the investment into these areas that I should have. I haven't been accountable to anyone, including myself, about any of this. I'm tempted to apply the same goals to 2006, but I'm not sure how exactly things are going to change to promote success. It all boils down to will power, and self-accountability, and these are things I've not demonstrated an excess of. But at the same time, I shouldn't be sitting here writing these off as things that are unobtainable, because they are not.