![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
uh oh...
Here we go again. Silly me took a LONG nap this afternoon/evening and I haven't gotten to bed yet. So, what do I do? Stay up all night and think too much of course.
So, I'm thinking about:
Work - I can almost predict that try as I might to make people happy, I'm going to get loads of shit for taking 3 days to go to a conference to make me a better therapist. How does that work again?
The job hunt - 2 sides to every coin, I'm so excited about the responses I'm getting, and the opportunities out there look good, but I'm STILL not sure what exactly I want, or rather, I know what I would LOVE to find, but still can't find it exactly where I want to be. On the flip side I haven't told my supervisor yet that I'm looking, and am feeling GUILTY about that. It's not like I'm going to up and give 2 weeks notice and be gone, that's not in the plans, there's no way I'm leaving the company or the kids I work with in that kind of a lurch. But we've had such a hard time keeping PTs around that I feel like if/when I leave, the hole that we can't seem to fill in (having enough PTs) is just going to keep getting bigger and that I should warn them so that they can start looking for someone who can replace me. But at the same time, don't want to get myself in a position where I start getting treated like crap because "oh, she's leaving anyway."
Past relationships - just never a good idea. Alternately feeling nostalgic for certain people and being highly irritated at the position I'm in emotionally/physically/psychologically because of them. Bah. If nothing else, I miss being held, and cuddling up to watch a movie and falling asleep.
Self image, body stuff, weight, blah-de-blah-blah-blah - ug. I'm so up and down about this. And, I'm sick of being seen as "that fat girl" before being seen as me. I don't know if that's what's actually happening, or if it's another round of Emily paranoia, but there we go folks. I want to look better, feel better, be healthier, but I don't want to base my self-worth on it. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, had people really freaked out and upset. I can't seem to figure out the balance, it's either all or nothing in my head for some asinine reason. So, I'm trying to be healthier, make better decisions, aim for that sustainable lifestyle change approach to weight and fitness. Now to make sure I don't go off the deep end.
Now that you've taken Emily's psychosis 101, I think I'm off to bed.
So, I'm thinking about:
Work - I can almost predict that try as I might to make people happy, I'm going to get loads of shit for taking 3 days to go to a conference to make me a better therapist. How does that work again?
The job hunt - 2 sides to every coin, I'm so excited about the responses I'm getting, and the opportunities out there look good, but I'm STILL not sure what exactly I want, or rather, I know what I would LOVE to find, but still can't find it exactly where I want to be. On the flip side I haven't told my supervisor yet that I'm looking, and am feeling GUILTY about that. It's not like I'm going to up and give 2 weeks notice and be gone, that's not in the plans, there's no way I'm leaving the company or the kids I work with in that kind of a lurch. But we've had such a hard time keeping PTs around that I feel like if/when I leave, the hole that we can't seem to fill in (having enough PTs) is just going to keep getting bigger and that I should warn them so that they can start looking for someone who can replace me. But at the same time, don't want to get myself in a position where I start getting treated like crap because "oh, she's leaving anyway."
Past relationships - just never a good idea. Alternately feeling nostalgic for certain people and being highly irritated at the position I'm in emotionally/physically/psychologically because of them. Bah. If nothing else, I miss being held, and cuddling up to watch a movie and falling asleep.
Self image, body stuff, weight, blah-de-blah-blah-blah - ug. I'm so up and down about this. And, I'm sick of being seen as "that fat girl" before being seen as me. I don't know if that's what's actually happening, or if it's another round of Emily paranoia, but there we go folks. I want to look better, feel better, be healthier, but I don't want to base my self-worth on it. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, had people really freaked out and upset. I can't seem to figure out the balance, it's either all or nothing in my head for some asinine reason. So, I'm trying to be healthier, make better decisions, aim for that sustainable lifestyle change approach to weight and fitness. Now to make sure I don't go off the deep end.
Now that you've taken Emily's psychosis 101, I think I'm off to bed.