Aug. 23rd, 2004
Definitely feeling a little homesick, a little overwhelmed, and a lot bleh.
Work's been rough, had me in tears a few times - mostly because it seems like each time I see a younger (35-55) year old patient, it's because they're dying or possibly heading in the direction of permanently disabled, and it seems there are a lot of them lately. I don't know exactly how, but it was easier working with the kids, even the ones who were in worse shape than some of these adults. I don't know if I'm cut out for adult acute care. It's a good learning experience, and it's challenging, and interesting, and I enjoy the work I do, but I don't have a thick enough skin - and I don't know if I ever will. I find myself giving too much of me to have anything left over in the evening to just "live" and do the stuff that needs to be done (laundry, shopping, pay bills, cook, clean, etc.)
And, as I'm sure is getting more and more evident by my random rants, I miss home. I miss knowing where I fit and how I fit and my general place in life with work, friends, church and family. I miss being able to call a large assortment of people at random and come up with something to do for a night or a weekend. I miss having a church family where I don't have to think about what I'm doing/saying every time I'm around them. I miss having Liz around to just ask questions of and work things out with when I have questions about what exactly I'm trying to do with my life as a Christian woman... not that we necessarily got anywhere, or that I used her all that often, but when it came up, I always knew where to go. I miss having comfortable places to go - like knowing that if all else fails, I could go play darts and have a few drinks at Moonshadows with creepy Todd just about any night of the week. Bah. Enough of this, getting weepy eyed, and I don't have time for that tonight.
Off to finish putting laundry away.
Work's been rough, had me in tears a few times - mostly because it seems like each time I see a younger (35-55) year old patient, it's because they're dying or possibly heading in the direction of permanently disabled, and it seems there are a lot of them lately. I don't know exactly how, but it was easier working with the kids, even the ones who were in worse shape than some of these adults. I don't know if I'm cut out for adult acute care. It's a good learning experience, and it's challenging, and interesting, and I enjoy the work I do, but I don't have a thick enough skin - and I don't know if I ever will. I find myself giving too much of me to have anything left over in the evening to just "live" and do the stuff that needs to be done (laundry, shopping, pay bills, cook, clean, etc.)
And, as I'm sure is getting more and more evident by my random rants, I miss home. I miss knowing where I fit and how I fit and my general place in life with work, friends, church and family. I miss being able to call a large assortment of people at random and come up with something to do for a night or a weekend. I miss having a church family where I don't have to think about what I'm doing/saying every time I'm around them. I miss having Liz around to just ask questions of and work things out with when I have questions about what exactly I'm trying to do with my life as a Christian woman... not that we necessarily got anywhere, or that I used her all that often, but when it came up, I always knew where to go. I miss having comfortable places to go - like knowing that if all else fails, I could go play darts and have a few drinks at Moonshadows with creepy Todd just about any night of the week. Bah. Enough of this, getting weepy eyed, and I don't have time for that tonight.
Off to finish putting laundry away.