emlykate: (The Witch)
Yeah, as I think I've mentioned every entry for the past year - big gaps between, sorry 'bout that.

Anyway, life's been.... insane? Still working at the hospital, nothing really all that new or rant worthy there. Have Katie, the dog, also nothing particularly new or rant worthy there. Continue on my swings from financial puritanism to excess - I'm just not good at the budget thing - but also, not so new. There is progress, and that is good. One pretty new thing is a new found desire and action toward the diet/weight loss thing. I found www.fitday.com, and it's essentially a free online diet and weight loss journal. In the grand scheme of things, as long as you've got good basic knowledge about weight loss and nutrition, or are willing to look that stuff up, it's pretty user friendly. It doesn't set you up on any set plan, just gives you a framework to keep track around. I've been pretty good about sticking to it, and it's instant gratification, which is just so necessary for my life. I started using it July 4th and have so far lost 8 pounds. That adds up to a total of 21 pounds down from my high weight in January of 2005, and 15 pounds down since restarting the weight loss attempt earlier this spring. Good stuff. Happy Emily. I've got a goal of losing 40 pounds by November 18th (the day I have to put on a bridesmaid dress for a friend's wedding). Works out to roughly 2 pounds a week since the July 4th date - I'm pretty much on pace to make it. Now to stop the cheating that I've been doing lately.

I've noticed a trend. I decide that my life needs a change for the better, that I need to be more well behaved, chaste, financially prudent, active, weight loss-y or whatever. I set a plan to achieve the "better". I make progress. I get frustrated/bored and just say "fire truck it" and do whatever it is that I wish I had been doing for the last (fill in the blank amount of time). Most notably, this is true of my sex life. Mind you, since college, the sex life has gone on hiatus on more than one occasion, and not only because I've decided that I need to behave, often it's just related to lack of opportunity. Then I get the opportunity, and I snatch it up and play and have fun and develop guilt and remorse because whatever I've been doing does not fit in the picture of life as I see how it should be lived. I've struggled with the whole Christian view on sexuality pretty much since I came back to the church. I see the logic of waiting for the right person - because honestly, all kinds of shit can go wrong if you're out there doing who knows what with whomever you choose. I can see how that isn't God's desire for my life because it never ends well (or at least, I've yet to have it end well). But then I get bored/frustrated and get rebellious and do whatever (or whomever) I want. Anyway, it's got to be pretty obvious by now that I'm in one of these rebellious periods, and at the moment have been participating in a little friends-with-benefits situation with a person I SHOULD NOT BE. For all manner of reasons. Not the least of which is that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, further to come of this situation but random orgasms in the wee hours of the morning. So right now, I'm torn about how to handle this. Acknowledge that at least I'm aware of the situation and take all necessary precautions to protect myself and just have the fun while it lasts? Or, since I've obviously identified this as a problem (because let's face it, it wouldn't be in the LJ if it weren't, at least on some level), nip it in the bud and go back to my boring, sexless life. Bah.

Of course, if I hadn't had an intriguing conversation earlier this week with a male of the species that I've recently met I'd probably be much less conflicted. But that just adds to the fun.

What The Hell, I'm going to go dye my hair and shave my legs.

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Emlykate

October 2011

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